Self-mutilation is a big Forrest topic. On the literal physical level, yes, but also on the inner dialogue aspect. Been having an introspective, incubating couple of days that culminated in some wonderful clarity at about 5am this morning, before & during Peter’s fab Forrest Intensive 7-9, then Lynne’s Hip Hop class 10-1130, both at Back Bay.
Kind of amazed that I’ve been a “legal adult” for almost 20 years… spent a good 10 of those years dancing around on broken glass, then another 10 working to clean it up. Alot of the behavioral issues boil down to a combination of social anxiety and obsessive thinking stemming from complete self-loathing… I mean, really, who wouldn’t want to run away from someone yelling at them 24/7? If that someone is yourself, expect a lot of behaviors targeted to take you out of your head. (That’s the eating disorders, alcohol or drug abuse, searching for external validation, even reciting memorized verses or emails or typing everything said out in your head… oh, wait, maybe that’s just me 
There’s a level of constantly produced white noise manifesting as drama, repetitive negative automatic thinking, disorders, anything to keep actual feeling or real thinking from intruding. Plus, the joys of living in fantasy, the “future perfect tense” I like to call it, where self-acceptance is with held until ridiculous standards are met.
It’s nice to actually take up residence in one’s mind & find it a quiet, fertile place to live. Like swimming in a lovely pond within a green grove rather than dog paddling like hell in turbulent seas.
There’s a level of letting go of habitual rotten patterns not from force or willpower or crisis, but just because you get BORED with them. And delight when you reclaim/realize that you have a choice in the matter.
It’s okay to let go of our trauma/drama identity, & also okay to reclaim it & speak out. And to switch day to day sometimes.
Thing is — let’s just stop the inner critic, stop yelling at ourselves over nothing. Stop the self-mutilation. Now.
